Are we there yet??

posted by Tiffany


I was reading an argument on facebook tonight between stay at home moms and working women. They were trying to hash out which job was "harder" and who had the right to complain. It was ridiculous. (Even more ridiculous was that I spent a good 35 minutes reading every comment and post!) Although it started out fairly civil, by the end there was nails, hair, spit, diapers and time cards flying around wildly.

Maybe it’s just me but I don't think they are even comparable. I seriously refuse to even pretend to understand what its like being a full time mom - because I've never done it and while I’m excited to have my turn to do that some day, I have no right to size up the physical, mental and emotional strength that it takes to do it day in and day out. Moms - you rock!

On the flip side I do know what its like to work full time and be a student. and it's really hard. Like - really hard. Sometimes I get down on myself or frustrated because of all of the things that I would really like to do - that I wish with all my heart that I could do - that never make it to even the middle of my to do list. Some days I wonder how long I can do it and stay sane. Kudos to you workingwomen - I'm with you - its rough!

When I'm really discouraged I often think to myself "ugh.. if I can't do all of this how will I ever handle being a mom?"  Then I remind myself - working full time and going to school is nothing like being a mom! - I don't mean compared to being a mom - I mean just what I said - it’s nothing like being a mom. and being a mom is nothing like working full time in an office or any other job and going to school. I feel like they are totally different worlds - I don't think you can even say that they are equally hard - because they are just too different.

I'm really excited to be a mom - when its time. I'm excited for when its my turn to be part of that. It made me sad to read tonight how angry people got when it came to their position in life - I'm sure most women who were posting their opinions were writing in the heat of the moment - mostly defensively but most of the women were so intent on "proving" that their job was harder and that they were right that they all sounded so unhappy. Finally one cool headed women had the following to say -I appreciated the way she put it.

    I'll put it this way. Before I got married, everyone told me "Marriage changes everything." But what they failed to tell me is that marriage actually does, in fact, change everything! (Is there an echo?) The point is that marriage changes your relationship in ways that you can't understand until you're already married. People without kids understand, in a vague kind of way, that having kids changes everything -- schedules, priorities, finances. But it actually does, in fact, change everything about you. It changes your first thought when you wake up and your last thought when you go to sleep. My friends without kids wake up early on a Saturday and think, "I can sleep in as long as I want." I wake up early on a Saturday and think "Why hasn't that baby cried for me yet?" and immediately go run to check on him. Parenthood means 18 years of no sleeping in, and sleeping on a hair trigger for the slightest cry, whine, or phone call -- and then they go to college, where we all know you'll never have to worry about them again. 
    People without kids under credit the strain of mental and emotional exhaustion. It's hard. No, it's not "OMG My life is so hard, there is nothing good about my existence" hard. I get an adorable kid out of the deal, who's basically the most well behaved, happy little man to ever live, and that does make things easier. I've never had a report at work smile at me like he does...

A few things I love about what she said - first - I absolutely agree that "it" changes everything and we can't totally understand that until we have experienced it ourselves. We can put so many words into that blank. "_______ changes everything. But what they failed to tell me is that _______ actually does, in fact, change everything!"

Like they say - hines sight is 20/20. You could put marriage, dating, college, graduating from high school, children, cancer - anything in that spot and I feel like it would be true. We need to give experience more credit. Its so hard to understand that we don’t understand something or someone until we have experienced it for ourselves. I love that she points that out instead of just telling people that they are wrong and to stick it.

The second thing she said that really got me personally was about her son "I've never had a report at work smile at me like he does..." Reading that was really encouraging to me. Even though a moment ago I said that working full time was really hard - I really like it (Most days - because who really loves what they do 100% of every second) I'll be honest that working and being good at what I do validates the way I feel about myself and one of my worries about becoming a stay a full time mom is loosing that. It honestly concerns me to loose myself in something that I'm afraid that I may not be very good at. So when she said that it warmed by heart. Does that make sense? Maybe not to you - but to me it gave me hope that I can successfully and happily make that change when the time is right.

I always - ALWAYS appreciate talking with women who have children I feel like I learn so much every time. Thanks to you ladies who are really patient with my curiosity about your mommy lives. :) You are REALLY awesome and you are doing an amazing job. Fellow working ladies - keep your chin up. I know what your dealing with and you are seriously doing GREAT. You should wear flats to work one day -its a nice break.

To steal a line from Forest Gump - thats all I have to say about that.


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